Looking back. . .

2008. . .wow, what a year. . . as with every year, there are parts I'd love to repeat, parts to forget, parts I wanna shout "do over!", parts I cry "God, no, please". . .and all of it makes up who I am. It's been a year where He has worked in me to heal my depression and lessen my migraines. Hallelujah!! I've seen relationships begin to heal. . . thank-you Jesus. But I've experienced pain, and death, and loss. . .God, why?
In June I had the awesome experience of 8 days vacationing with Amanda in Florida, Tennessee, and North Carolina. We visited both my brothers in Florida and I saw nieces, nephews, and their children that I hadn't seen in 7 long years!! It was wonderful!!! We laughed, we cried, we shared and we vowed NEVER to let do much time go by again. And Lord willing, I won't! We spent time traveling the Blue Ridge Parkway which was an awesome experience, long, but awesome! And then we spent a couple of great days with Michael too. Great times!! Family is SO precious. I've always known that, but the older I get the more evident it becomes. Who else knows all about you and loves you anyway? Nobody but Jesus. He gave us our families to teach us how to live and love and sadly. . . how to die. It was on this trip we learned of the death of Travis Hunsberger. I thought my heart would break for Steve & Ronda. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of heartache. . . The weeks that followed are somewhat of a blur, and I'm just a family friend. The tributes, the people, amazing! Then in August I learned that our dear friend Diane Brown was seemingly losing her battle with cancer. . .no God! not Diane! And on October 3rd, He called her home. Again, the ache in my heart for this amazing woman, such grace, such dignity, such love for other people. . .man I miss that laugh, that smile, the jokes, the "wig" ha ha. And before we could recover, Monday, October 6th, Lisa is called home. . . no warning, no explanation. . . dear God in heaven, what are you trying to tell us!! enough already! I'm listening, please stop taking people, please. . .I've said it on here already many times before, I ache, my heart cries out for answers that do not come. I've listened to a CD of her singing that Yellow Creek made for the family. . . such a sweet voice, comfort in hearing it, yet agony all the same. Oh Lisa, I miss you so much! I think the worst is past, 2008 is ending, 2009 will be better. . . on Dec. 27th, Amanda's birthday, Michael gets a call, his roommate Jordan has been found dead in their apartment. 25 years old! No explanation, inconclusive autopsy. . . he had the flu before Christmas, went to the hospital, they sent him home, on Saturday he decided to take a bath and died in the bathtub. The pain and agony on my sons face was unbearable. So much grief. . . what is going on. . .On New Year's Eve he helped bury his friend, co-worker, & roommate. Now he and the other roommate are searching for a new place to live. . . pray for them. As a mother, my heart broke as I held my sobbing son in my arms, I didn't know what to do or say. I cried with him, prayed with him, told him I loved him. What else could I do? I wanted to take it all away. Is this how God grieves when we hurt? Is this how He grieves when we disobey and go our own way? Father, forgive me! I KNOW you understand my pain, but could You please take it away? Could You comfort my family and all their loss and grief as well? Julie has been through so much physical pain with her back surgery. . .I didn't even get to that on here. For awhile I was afraid we were going to lose her too. Now Cory has had back surgery too, touch his body Lord, heal him, take away the pain that has plagued him for so long! And Jeff, Lord his back is a mess and he can't stand the thought of another surgery. . . once and for all, touch him and heal his body, give him the strength he needs to be a single parent, both physically and emotionally. Thank-you for taking Tara's cancer from her body, Lord! We are so grateful for that!! Her little girls need their mommy and Jody needs her too. We ALL do. Thank you for the heart of missions you have given so many in my family. . . Jamie's and the Baby Center in Kenya and Jack's in the Mexico project, Senior and all his trips to Iraq. Bless them Lord. And prepare Amanda as she readies for her trip to Mexico, provide the funds she needs to go. Lord, then there's Adam as he awaits a kidney transplant, keep him healthy and safe and let a donor from amongst the family be found quickly. And with these uncertain economic times, fill each of us with wisdom and continue to provide for all our needs. . . make us wise as to what are "needs" and what are "wants".

I picked up a copy of "Streams in the Desert" devotional and this was part of yesterdays reading:

"In "pastures green"? not always; sometimes He who knowest best, in kindness leadeth me in weary ways, where heavy shadows be. So, whether on the hilltops high and fair I dwell, or in the sunless valley, where the shadows lie, what matter? He is there." "He remembers all the time and will never take you even one step beyond what your feet are able to endure. Never mind if you think you are unable to take another step, for either He will strengthen you to make you able, or He will call a sudden halt, and you will not have to take it at all."