It's been awhile. . .

Over a month has passed since I've written anything. I've started to several times. . .words fail me right now. I am still reading from Streams in the Desert. This is the devotional for Sunday Feb.8th: "Surely I am with you always. Matt. 28:20. Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms. Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace then and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries."
Once again, tragedy has struck. On Friday evening Feb. 6th, I was still at work with Jeanette, which is not the norm, when the phone rang and it was our local police informing her Kip had been in an accident and she needed to get to the hospital. I drove her, all the while my stomach churning, wanting to vomit, and on the outside remaining calm (I think) for her sake, speaking words of reassurance. She said to me "who else has a husband that takes care of them like mine does, what am I going to do?" I quickly told her he would be alright and not to think so far ahead. When we arrived at the ER, I dropped her off, parked my van, spoke briefly with the ambulance driver who had brought Kip in, and went inside expecting to find her already with Kip. But there she sat, alone and with a look on her face I will never forget. . . not long after that a nursing supervisor came and got us taking us to a private room. It was then that in the deep recesses of my being I knew. . . it wasn't good. You only go to those rooms for two reasons, death and bad news. Again the physical urge to vomit almost overtook me as we walked down the short but seemingly endless hallway. Now to my recollection, I have never had a bad experience at EGH, but the nurses and doctors were exceptional on this night. Jeanette graciously allowed me the same access as her family and I stayed. I tried to listen more intently because I know in these situations you sometimes don't hear it all, and I tried to read the nurses faces and the doctors. . . what I saw there told me what I didn't want to know. And the battle within me began. I began to pray for a divine intervention and for strength for the family. My consistent prayer was "Lord, let Kip be Kip. Restore him to the man we know." When the doctor came in after the first CT scan I wanted to run from the room and shout "no Lord, not again, not Kip! Why?!" It was after I caught a good glimpse of him on the stretcher as he was transferred from the ER to CCU, that my prayers took on a new focus. "Lord, touch his body and heal it in the way You see fit." My heart knew God could perform a miracle in the next 72 hours, my head kept arguing. . . Jeanette allowed me to go back to see Kip on Saturday night, funny I just now realized it was nearly 24 hours after we got the call. . . this was not the teacher, employer, and friend I knew, laying in that hospital bed. And somehow I knew then, Kip was heading for his heavenly home, may have already been there. I silently thanked him for what he had done for me over the years and said my farewell, not knowing for sure if it was for the moment or until we meet in heaven some day. It was my privilege to be considered family during this long weekend. I watched Jeanette and her boys and their wives deal with the situation with such grace and peace. Yes, they had their moments, who wouldn't. They never gave up hope and yet they knew God would do what He determined to be best, whether we understand it or not, whether we like it or not. And they accepted that with humbleness. Kip treated Jeanette as if she were a queen, it appears to have filtered down to his sons. What a legacy. Each have married women who compliment them wonderfully and love them wholeheartedly, and they return that love. None of our lives will be the same without Kip around. I will miss our talks about sports and the sly grin when he made a joke you had to think about to catch :) And I will miss his unconditional acceptance of everyone, his compassion, and his stability. When I think of Kip in the days to come, it won't be of the man I saw in CCU, it will be of the man at the computer, or on the floor with one of his grandkids. The man who loved life and lived out his faith. . . rest in peace, Kip, you deserve the Heavenly reward you have received. I'm reminded of a song, "thank-you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed. . ."